The Sound Of Silence
by Mistress Sorcha
Summary: After the demon tore their small family apart that fateful night, John slips into the reluctant role of sole parent as he tries to care for his emotionally damaged eldest son.


**Setting:** Preseries-starting the night the demon came for baby Sammy and killed Mary. Wee!chesters in effect!

**Warning:** Angst ahead!!!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the boys, John, Mary, anybody…yada yada yada…

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**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter 1: Lost**

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As John sat there on the Impala's hood, holding his boys tight, he could barely function. His only thoughts of the moment were of how was he gonna be able to raise his precious boys himself without Mary?

'_Mary…god…Mary was gone'_…John shuddered involuntarily, his eyes slipping closed as he tried with all his might not to cry.

'_Mary…baby, please come back…God? Please, let this all be some terrible nightmare? Please…don't take her away from us…' _he begged silently. No matter how many times he closed his eyes and wished and begged and prayed for it to not be true, he still opened his eyes and saw the nightmare was a reality. The smoldering ruin of their once happy, bright home glared back at him, the water from the fire trucks mingling with the lingering smoke in the air made a muggy haze around them. All the neighbors milling about, some attempting to come and comfort him, some just looking on in abject curiosity mingled with horror and sadness. The police and fire chief and a myriad of others tried to speak to him, but he couldn't keep coherent enough long enough to give them the answers they wanted. They left him alone after awhile, figuring he could answer them later when the grief and pain wasn't so raw and he had a place to place the young children he clung to out of hearing range.

John sat there until the police and firemen were gathering up to leave. He didn't know where to go. His own father had passed a couple years before and there was no one else left in his family to turn to. Mary's parents were dead before they'd married and her brother was across the country, well out of his reach. He had only met the man a few times, never really getting to know the him. Besides, he couldn't leave here. He needed to find answers of his own, to sort out what had happened to rip his tiny family apart. A few of their friends had offered to put them up for awhile, but he just couldn't deal with them right now. They had been friends of him and Mary's and he couldn't face their pity and questioning eyes. It was too much to bear. John decided to head down the road to a motel. He bundled his boys into the Impala, Dean perched beside him on the seat, dutifully holding on to baby Sammy. He stretched his arm around the both of them, pulling them tight to his body, feeling the tiniest bit of comfort by having their warm bodies pressed close to his, a constant reminder that they were still there and that he hadn't lost everything.

Pulling into the motel lot, he slipped from his son's sides and went to get them a room. When he got back in the car, his eldest son was looking at him wide-eyed and he bent to kiss the top of his head before guiding the car over to their room. He carried his boys inside and locked up for the night. Carrying the boys into the bedroom, John bundled up blankets on the bed, making a make-shift crib for baby Sammy. He set Dean down on the other side of the bed and went to lay him down and tuck him in as well. Dean stopped him, though, looking at him with wide, sad eyes again.

"Hey, son. Come on, little man, let's get you to bed, ok?" John murmured quietly. Dean shook his head for a moment and he couldn't help take a deep sigh, feeling tears prickle in his eyes once again.

"Come on, buddy. You gotta go to bed…" John tried again.

"Daddy?" Dean whispered.

"Yeah, little man?"

"Where's mommy?" Dean asked.

John's eyes prickled and he couldn't stop the tear drops from sliding down his cheek. Dean reached out and petted his cheek, wiping away the tears for him. John's heart ached at the simple gesture. His baby boy was trying to comfort HIM…god, he was such an amazing little boy…

"Mommy's gone, huh daddy…" Dean whispered, his tiny face so serious and sad.

"Yeah, son. Mommy's gone to heaven to be with god…" he whispered hoarsely. Even though he'd never really been a believer, his wife had been and he didn't have the heart to take her faith away from his son right then.

"Is she coming back?" Dean asked.

A small, broken little smile twitched on his lips at the pure innocence of the question.

"No, baby. She's not coming back. Once you go to heaven, you can't come back…" John whispered brokenly.

Dean nodded slowly, an incredible sadness radiating out from his large, moss green eyes. John reached out and grabbed him up in a tight, fierce hug, rocking him slightly as he held him tight.

"I'm here, Dean. I'm gonna take care of you and Sammy. I love you, son…"he whispered into his baby boy's ear.

"Love you, too, daddy…don't worry…I'll take real good care of Sammy for you, K?" Dean mumbled into his shoulder, his little hand stroking up and down his father's neck and upper back.

John choked on the huge lump forming in his throat. His son, not much older than a baby himself, was comforting him and telling him he didn't have to worry, that he'd take care of his baby brother…John felt hot tears pour out of him faster at the sheer selflessness his boy was capable of.

"Ok, little buddy. You do that…I'll take of the both of you, too, ok?" John whispered, kissing the top of his son's head, squeezing him tighter for one long moment.

"K, daddy…" Dean mumbled quietly.

John kissed him one last time and lay him gently on the bed, pulling the sheets and blankets up and over his tiny body and tucking him in tight. Rising up to his feet, John stumbled out of the room before he was completely overcome with grief. He made to the living room area before his legs gave out and he tumbled down to his knees, kneeling on the ground. Great heaving sobs shook his body and he wept until his eyes stung and they dried out. Weakly, he pulled himself up, deciding to try and rest as best he could so he forced his legs to carry him back to the room. As quietly as he could, he opened the door, peering in at his son's, about to enter himself to take the second bed when he saw and heard something that just about broke his heart completely.

Dean had gotten up from his part of the bed and made his way over to Sam's side. He'd nudged the covers that had made the make-shift crib over, making the area wide enough for him to lay down at his little brother's side. Dean's tiny arms wrapped around baby Sammy, holding him close as he slept. As he slipped off to sleep, Dean murmured to his baby brother.

"Don't worry, Sammy. I'm always gonna take care of you. Love you, little brother…"

Grief and awe and pain hit John anew and he turned silently from the room and made his way to the couch in the living area, collapsing onto its musty surface as his son's words and actions squeezed his already aching heart with fresh pain. He was supposed to be the one offering comfort and caring for his babies, and yet here was his eldest son, barely 4 years old and already on of the most amazing men John had ever known. Awe over how incredibly selfless his baby boy was made the fierce love he felt for his son that much deeper. He didn't know how, but someday he hoped he could be worthy of his son's pure love. Somehow, he knew he had to overcome this tragedy and take care of his boys. He didn't know how he'd do it without his beloved Mary, but he had to try. John felt the overwhelming emotions tugging him into unconsciousness and he was too worn and broken to fight it off anymore. As he slipped into the darkness, he promised Mary that he'd do right by their son's.

**TBC…**

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A/N: Okie Dokie!!! New story for y'all!! I have a couple of others written but not typed yet, too, so I'll be hopefully able to get those up and running soon, too.

I haven't decided if this is going to be a one shot or if I'll continue it yet, so for now, I'll leave it as "In Progress" until I decide.

**As always, please, please, PLEASE Read & Review!!! (They are my deep-fried crack…. ;) )**

Also, check out my Supernatural line of jewelry I have for sale on eBay, including replicas of the **Mary Winchester Hunter's Protection** bracelet (as seen in the episode **'In the Beginning'**) and the **Dean Winchester Skull** bracelet (worn from **season 2 to present**), and other Superntaural-themed bracelets!!!

My newest piece is the **Castiel-themed ****"Have A Little Faith In Me"** charm bracelet. Please, check out the link and tell me what ya think!!!

The links are handily located on my **Profile**!!!!

Thank you everybody for reading my work!! *hugs*


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